when I'm back Home

I'd want to hear my Lord God say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." I'd want my Daddy to cuddle my close to Him, in His arms, stroking my hair, saying, "Welcome home my baby girl. Go enjoy yourself inside." But right now, I don't know if He's saying to me right now, "I'm always here beside you, gently guiding you, quietly blessing you abundantly, pulling you off the edge of the cliff before you collapse. But whenever I try to talk to you, you'd just turn away and go listen to junk; whenever I wanna share with you something exciting, you choose to be enthusiastic over something else; whenever I try to feed you yummy stuff from my Kingdom, you'd indulge yourself in the gossips of this world; etc..." Lord, sometimes I wonder if I had let you down. I just don't know what to do so many times. I always tell people to let everything to You, but I can't do it. But when I can't take it anymore, I'd just throw and hurl everything in Your direction. Lord, why are you so patient with me? Lord! LORD!! LORD!!!! Jesus!! Lord! LOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDD!!!!!! Everyone who calls on Jesus' name will be saved. I am saved. Jesus saves. Jesus. Jesus. THE Name. May Your face shines upon me. Lord Jesus is my Lord and Saviour. Lord Jesus. Jesus Christ.